吃了點藥，整天迷迷糊糊的，可恨感覺卻不曾因此而一併遲鈍下來，由腰板至四肢，依舊酸軟莫名。睡了又醒，醒了再睡，記得其中一場夢境活像銀幕上所描繪的 studio 54，場內熱力澎湃，四處粉刷得金銀閃耀，色彩濃烈而奪目。舞池內人影徐徐晃動，似是調色盤上斑斕的色塊不停蹦跳、相互交溝，人們衣著奢華甚至浮誇，目眩的印象太深刻，讓人忘記了往後的故事內容，醒來後卻一直抹不去那種紫醉金迷的頹靡氣氛。嘗試深呼吸幾下，胸口非常鬱悶，我想是因為在 studio 54 裡待得太久了吧。
Put away my black book
Throw it on the fire
Getting out the side door
You are my one desire
Baby when you hold me
I see you’re everything
Baby when you touch me
I need nothing no more
Put away my black book
Put in on the fire
Don’t give up on me Lord
Take my spirit higher
Nothing can behold me
Don’t put me on the fire
Baby when you hold me
I will see no fear
Baby when you touch me
You see it in my eyes
Put away my black book
Put it on the fire
I’ve made up my mind
I got nothing to hide
I’ve made up my mind
I got nothing to hide
Give me my soul…
Blur - “Black Book” (Slow Jam Experiment Mix*)
* so this is what you get when you play a dirty 12 inch 45 rpm vinyl single at 33 1/3 rpm. exclusive on speechlessness.com, haha. the stylus on my tunrtable is not as good as it used to be, but it still sounds great, doesn’t it?
213821 29012004
i have not figured out why these things always happen to me.
(please note the grammatical difference between “have yet to do something” and “have not done something yet”. if i put down “i have yet to figure out…” that implies i will and i should figure out why these things always happen to me. the sentence distinguishes the past from the future; i am fully aware of this.)
anyway, why do these things always happen to me? am i living in a dream that i unconsciously make things up or they simply happen to everyone? in different shades maybe? i don’t know.
here comes the story, finally. it was a sunny day, though a bit cold for my taste. (hey, if you are reading the text out loud, please try to read the previous line in a british accent. it becomes a joke on pretentious sophistication. well, that was not my intention, though.) at around 4pm, i left school with a bunch of new books, and i was waiting for the mini-bus to central. you know my headphone features a pair of large foam earpads and it keeps my ears warm, what a solid excuse not to put it off. i pressed the random button on my cd player which also reads and plays mp3 files, and when the music came out, it appeared to be a song by edson. the title of the song is not desperate at all. while he was singing “still i wait for your call”, i whispered to myself, “nope”, and then my cell phone vibrated. it was, i knew without looking at the screen, your number. i told you i received only $630 red-pocket money during the chinese new year, and i just spent five hundred dollars on books. we laughed, but i guess you didn’t know i laughed for the unspoken irony as well?
by the way, writing both explicitly and implicitly is a real fun.
Air - “The Way You Look Tonight”
日以繼夜的沉迷聆聽他們的新專輯 Talkie Walkie ，好像有點膩了。
一．
地點是金鐘地車站內往柴灣方向的月台。時間是空白的，隨便何時也沒關係。我在等車。面前是廣告燈箱。廣告內容是香港藝術雙年展，似是刻意提醒我，記得在展覽結束前去看看自己的譯稿。眼光隨思緒往別處繼續遊蕩。回過頭來，廣告已經轉成另一個文化節目的宣傳海報。嗯，原來是會滾動的。青藍、大紅，閃現、消失。資訊的份量倍增，還未趕及以幾何速度繁殖，列車又準時滑到。不希望抱怨或責怪些什麼，坦白說，我還有點享受這種昏眩的幻覺。
二．
可能由於各種社會、道德、宗教、家庭甚或個性上的規範，很多時候，我們都不敢滿足自己的慾望。害怕瘋狂。你最近一次抑壓下來的瘋狂想法是什麼？那是下班時間，地車從中環開出，車廂內依舊擁擠。身旁站了一個女生，單看五官，算不上大美人，神態氣質卻非常吸引。腦海內湧出數十種結識她的想法，其中包括寫張便條，搓成一團悄悄放到她的袋子裡。當然沒有付諸實行。我比她早下車，下車後沿著月台走了一會，信手在路軌的盡頭埋葬了那份曾經心動的感覺。
三．
記憶忽然返回某天的黃昏，我在天后地鐵站的出口處等候朋友，向不遠處望過去，一群老鷹在維多利亞公園的上空飛揚盤旋，藍天上的小黑點反覆聚首、散落，十分壯觀。眼睛可以張開或閉上，耳朵卻永遠聽得見。視覺是一種選擇。我們不停製造、嚼食這座城市裡瞬間即逝的光與影，緊記留下一點消耗不盡的，別衝動拿去填海造地，我們用來餵養老鷹。